Reflection

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I think about you

And how you changed me

Long were the days I spent waiting for my own courage

And you made them worthwhile

It's silly, I know

To let myself be awash in feeling

Over an encounter so short-lived

(I don't deserve such indulgence)

But for that time

My world was perfect

Visions of the future appeared in the foreground

And I painted you in them for my amusement

But even still I am insatiable

Seeing how you've changed, moved on

Adapted

It weighs heavily upon me

The dark, bitter tumor in the blood

That chills like ice

I can't shake the death rattle

No matter how long I wait

Or how strongly I numb myself

The paintings come back

And you're still there

So the loathing returns

Perhaps I need another to show me courage again

And for the cycle to repeat

I want to be happy for you

I can't.